The Happy Dance

May 11, 2015

Here I am as we arrive in El Fumo in Italy!

I don’t remember when I started doing the “happy dance,” arms up and outstretched wide, joyful expression on face, and hurly-gurly, silly dancing. Yes, I probably look like an idiot but who cares? Honestly, I’m not crazy and I often use my “happy dance” these days with grandbabies at low points in their days. On those occasions, it makes all of us smile and laugh. In the past, however, and in more personal expressions of joy, I recall bursting into my little number on the top of an Alaskan glacier on a gorgeous day or walking the extraordinarily stunning Italian coastal towns along the Cinque Terre. I couldn’t stop myself.

Little did I know that this “happy dance” incorporates body language that can actually stimulate happiness and a sense of power.  If you haven’t watched Amy Cuddy, the social psychologist, deliver her TED talk yet on power posing, please Google it and go there immediately. Her research, “Power Posing; brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance,” conducted with Dana Carney and AJ Yap, was published in Psychology Science in October 2010 and states that “Humans and other animals express power through open, expansive postures.”  Even brief high power poses (two minutes! -- aha, my very own happy dance!) can bring on elevations in testosterone (feelings of power) and decreases in cortisol, the stress hormone. As Amy, a Harvard professor, says, we are all influenced by our very own nonverbal behavior. So even if you don’t feel like it, fake it til you make it. Your mind can change your body but your body can also change your mind.

Below here...some hotel made me happy! I can't even remember where this was. Hah!

What's in a Baby's Facial Expression

July 18, 2017
Alexander Stone Carr was born on Dec. 16, 2016 and I met this newest – my fifth! – grandchild moments after his birth in the middle of a long night. He stared intently, wide-awake and alert, into his mother’s eyes and actually grabbed for a necklace Maggie was wearing. Both wore falling-in-love-at-first-sight facial expressions that were absolutely priceless. And since then, Alex has only grown even more expansive in the way he can speak volumes with his little face using every muscle available, even his eyebrows going up and down in what looks like real wisdom. I mean, honestly, how did he know how to smile and make eye contact at the perfect moments? He’s also talking baby gibberish, chatting seriously about what’s on his mind…though we don’t understand a word he is saying as yet. His pure joy at being here is apparent to all, even complete strangers who engage with him.

Thanks Mom...Understanding Attachment Theory

January 9, 2017
Maggie had a baby boy, Alexander Stone Carr. Here they are on day 1...learning to love and totally attached to one another.

Don't Knock Nesting Instinct

October 20, 2016
My daughter Maggie is going to have a little boy on or about December 22 of this year. She is absolutely thrilled and absolutely caught up in nesting instinct imperatives. Please don’t knock them. “Maternal nest-building is regulated by the hormonal actions of estradiol, progesterone and prolactin,” according to Wikipedia which references a study in the Journal of Neuroendocrinology .

Sibling Rivalry Never Grows Old

September 15, 2016
This morning one of my siblings sent an exasperating “dig” my way. I’m one of six children and right in the middle of the pack. I should be used to family dynamics by now – after all, I’m 67 – but of course, I’m not. What is absolutely extraordinary in this ordinary world of family life, is that sibling rivalry never grows old.

Extraordinary Liars

August 11, 2016
My grandchildren are incapable of lying. Even if I have broken unwritten rules while babysitting and allowed them to pick anything they want to eat at the Red Store, Finn and Charlotte will share the news of their secret treats immediately with their mother. “Guess what Grammy let us have?!”

Don't Pick on Picky Eaters

July 13, 2016
I’ve had generations of experience with what society likes to call “picky eaters.” My father had very touchy taste buds, for instance, and would carefully separate the miniscule pieces of minced onion my mother had chopped so finely into her beef stroganoff. That little pile on the side of his plate after he had finished his meal was a dead giveaway. We six children grew up knowing that dad would only eat certain foods. So when my son Zach – even as an infant – showed picky-eater tendencies, I was alarmed at first. Advice-givers, medical professionals, well-meaning relatives as well as total strangers, were everywhere. It took some research to be able to withstand the onslaught from all sides. Zach is healthy, happy and brilliant. He didn’t eat his peas. So what.

Why Crying Is Good for You

June 29, 2016
I cry easily at happy, sad or any kind of emotional occasion. Last Monday, all three of my grandchildren cried at different points during what was actually a wonderful day. From a sibling squabble between Finn, 5, and Charlotte, almost 4, to the emotional frustration experienced by their cousin Evie at 2, the tears fell. I often beat myself up about how easily my tears show up. My older sister reminds me that when I cry I lose all my power. Damn those tears! Or maybe not?

Positive Emotions = Smarter & Healthier

May 3, 2016
Watching my grandchildren at play on Saturday sent me on a quest to research just how powerful happy playfulness can be. Finn, 5, Charlotte, 3 and Evie, 2, were having so much fun that I overheard Ev say, “I love playing.” I expected to find research that supported the importance of play for growing children but stumbled upon the brilliant work of social psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, PhD, now at the University of North Carolina. Play and the positive emotions accompanying it, are critical for adults’ physical health and intellectual well-being.

Mother-Baby Bond: Priceless!

January 11, 2016

The Grandmother Effect

October 1, 2015
I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting the last few months and there is nothing more rewarding and exhausting. There is certainly a biological reason for motherhood being reserved for the younger generation. Don’t even try to talk to me after a 12-hour day with a toddler. I am so tired that I can hardly think straight. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Not only am I growing closer and more in love with all three of my grandchildren but it turns out that my natural instinct as a grandmother to want to help my children raise their children has evolutionary rewards for all.
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